-first posted in my Multiply last December 16, 2008
How so oddly inappropriate for the season this blog is but certainly appropriate to reflect how I’m feeling these days. I wrote the poem below in the first quarter of 2000 and I never thought I’d go back to somewhat resembling state now. Here’s to a possibly gloomy Christmas for me and for all who can relate…
Inspired by the film: “Seven Years in Tibet”
Dogmatism clogs my head
Of things and people I hate or love–
They are hard to let go
With things I must have.
My all is not enough. How come?
Why do I have to deal with them?
It horrifies me
‘coz heartaches and fantasy
come so good together.
I want to get rid of myself–
The me who cares so much about the world
But the world doesn’t care at all.
It can go on without me.
It moves without notice.
Take me in chains to a place
Where days are longer and nights are colder,
Where I could be alone to claim my normalcy,
Where no one’s watching,
without anyone or anything
to chase and take…to love and hate.
Away, away from the ghost of myself.
Away, away from the horrors of everyday.