“I ask You neither for health nor for sickness, for life nor for death; but that You may dispose of my health and my sickness, my life and my death for Your glory…
You alone know what is expedient–for me; You are the Sovereign Master; do with me according to Your will. Give me or take away from me, only conform my will to Yours.
I know but one thing, Lord, that it is good to follow You and bad to offend You. Apart from that, I know not which is most profitable to me, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, nor anything else in the world. That discernment is beyond the power of men or angels, and is hidden among the secrets of Your Providence, which I adore, but do not seek to fathom.”
–A Prayer by Blaise Pascal
There are a lot of things I don’t understand about the way God works in my life and the way He deals with people around me. Still a lot more doubts plague me from time to time.
Sometimes I think my faith isn’t big enough to lift me up and at those times, I’m thankful that I have people around me who encourage and strengthen me, to comfort and correct me.
When I look at the things I still don’t have and the goals I’m still dreaming, I feel a lot more smaller inside–further away from the truth that God has given me everything I need to live an abundant life. But when I look at…
- the things that I do have and the kind of people in my life that I’m blessed with,
- the person that I’ve grown to become now plus all the sins that God has forgiven me from and
- the bright future that He promised for all who will follow Him
I couldn’t help but be more grateful–eternally thankful–for His awesome grace and unconditional love for me.
There were those dark times when I would pray for God to take me home with Him because I get tired of fighting the good fight. I also do this at times when everything is working right and I haven’t done anything foolish and those times when I’m really down in the pits of despair. But then I realize that’s not courage at all–because courage means doing whatever has to be done–against all odds, despite of fear.
Someone said that courage isn’t the absence of fear but moving forward in the midst of it. Then I would lift my weary eyes to the Lord and pray: “For the sake of all the people with whom my life makes sense, for the sake of them who still need me, for the sake of those whose lives I’m touching–lead me on Lord! Carry me through this…”
I thank God for moments like these…I bounce back to life as if waking up from a nightmare.