“Repressed emotions, uncontrollable thoughts, deep sighs, whimpering in the bathroom, walking wounded in the late of night, preventing tears from falling, bad dreams…the dark night of the soul strikes again: swallowing me whole, permeating every fiber of my being, eating me alive.”
This was a text I typed in my mobile phone while going through yet another tough season. This life episode was the main reason why I had to do the 30-day No Facebook challenge in April 2011 and it even drove me to go up alone at the Prayer Mountain last April 22, 2011 (Good Friday).
I need some distraction to get away from these ravaging ill thoughts and feelings battling within me so I need to do my daily routines. Work becomes a great escape for me from this internal turmoil while I dread sleeping because I keep fighting my way through it.
Losing to Win
I’m losing my appetite for food like losing my appetite for life. But I’m amazed with the fact that each day I survive and I’m even growing through pain.
Amid all this God reveals to me issues upon issues in my heart and teaching me nuggets of wisdom as He allows seemingly similar circumstances to happen, nudging me to respond properly this time around. I’m learning that God takes me through situational patterns because He’s taking away my old self to continually bring out the new me. And oh how terribly painful this process is!
Pain: God’s Megaphone
He reveals to me old ways of thinking and feeling through things and people that I must relinquish in order for the best of me to arise within. He points out things in my attitude that are not right, that has to be dealt with now or else will even cause further damage down the road not only to me but to the people I’ll get involved with in the future.
Again, the desire to retreat all alone, get lost somewhere where nobody knows me comes up but that won’t solve a thing. It will give me temporary solace but won’t give me permanent solutions. I’d rather face this head on and allow God to break me to be molded anew like clay in His mighty yet loving hands.
Character refinement and lasting positive change don’t happen overnight – as it is in every masterpiece.
Here I am, submitting myself to God’s refining fire no matter how excruciatingly painful it is…for the sake of the call He has for me…trusting that He carries me and lifts my burdens when I can no longer walk…Knowing He loves me like no human ever can…believing He has my best interest in mind always.
May 14, 2011-A timely forwarded text message from my friend, Joel Fresco:
“There’s a point in our lives where we just have to accept that not everything we hoped for will come true. A time when we just have to gather up the courage to let go and entrust everything to God. Knowing He won’t allow us to be in situations of pain for the sake of hurting, but for the sake of learning…He knows us more than we know ourselves that even when we feel alone and misunderstood, even sometimes unloved and used, there’s Jesus who knows all our flaws yet loves us unconditionally like no human can. [See Jeremiah 29:11]”
Are you in a tough situation right now? Don’t waste your pain. Learn from it by taking it to God. Ask Him: “Lord, what is it that You want me to learn from this?” You’ll be amazed at how He eventually turns this situation around for your good.