“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.”-Edna Buchanan
Most friendships often begin because of the following:
- We like them and they like us back.
- We share the same liking on some stuff.
- We have similar or complementing skills, values, or hobbies.
- We go to the same events or activities.
When I first stumbled upon the online entry below, it made me evaluate my friendships, and how some of them build me up or bring me down intellectually, emotionally or spiritually.
Who wants to be with people who are like parasites? They just get whatever they can from you, and then leave you when they’re done. Or they just keep you company because you’re fun to be with, and when you’re no longer fun because you’re going through tough times, they leave you alone.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t get into friendships so I can benefit from others, but I believe there has to be some level of commitment for “mutual benefit” there somehow.
The Bible, our ancient book of wisdom says: “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”-1 Corinthians 15:33 (TNIV).
As a single person, I spend most of my time – aside from my family – with friends so I do my best to choose them wisely, because I know that they will either break or make me. And whether I like it or not, they will contribute to my growth or ruin.
Without further ado, here’s the entry I revisited and constantly consider whenever I make new connections. I suspect that any one of these could be the reason why recently, a friend removed 600+ people from his Facebook contacts.
It’s harder to gain true friends than to lose fake ones, and I won’t regret to lose them for the right reasons.
—First posted in Facebook, September 24, 2009-Thursday—
Posted: December 9, 2001, 8:37 PM
I’m usually a sucker for friends. Sometimes to the point I let them take advantage of me. So it’s kinda difficult for me to really drop a friend off. But I’ve done so in the past, and here are the reasons:
1. When he/she doesn’t treat me like a friend.
When the friendship is one way, say, I share with her my joys and sorrows, my successes, my failures, and yet, he/she does not reciprocate, or is not sympathetic enough, I sort of “get the message.”
2. When I can feel he/she is just “using” me for, like, her “business” or her job, or whatever.
Actually, it’s okay for a friend to ask your help, and I believe we’re obliged to help our friends in need. However, when you see that your friendship is based only on what you can do for her, or what he becomes when he’s with you (and when you’re no longer a hot item, he drops you off and moves on to the next person to whom he can benefit from), then I definitely will end the “friendship.”
3. When he’s a “user,” meaning, he is using our friendship to gain favors from another person, or for whatever selfish reasons.
I have a “friend” whom I thought was really a friend. When I transferred boards, he immediately stopped communicating, as if he befriended me only because I was part of his job before. That’s not a friend, that’s a business associate, and when “business” ends, so does the communication.
I can think of so many reasons, aside from the ones you’ve mentioned (fair-weathered friends, etc.), but these are, I guess, the most important reasons for me.
Question: How about you? What would cause you to end a friendship?