Written 12.30.2013 – on my way to a wedding reception hosting gig
Lord, please help me banish hatred from my heart,
because I kind of remember bad things so well.
Things that are tragic and painful;
memories that marked my year so badly.
Lord, please help me to forget, and not just forgive,
the way I am insulted, rejected, and embittered
by the same people whom I trusted and loved dearly;
but failed to return the favor.
Lord, I wanted to give them a dose of their own medicine
but I’m afraid to poison myself in the process.
You said ‘Vengeance is mine,’ so help me obey You.
I trust You can deal with these way better than I can.
This mass of hatred in my heart is bigger than I thought,
and heavier than I could carry.
It triggers my deathly stare and steals away my joy.
It enrages me and destroys me.
So here it is, my Lord, take it.
Take all of it and everything that it touches in my life.
Turn it all into something beautiful as only You could.
Take me and break me, if You must.
…But please renew me and redeem me to become the best that I can be.