As a goal-oriented person, I have always liked planning. I enjoy creatively thinking of strategies to get to my desired goals. I especially love the fulfillment and joy that comes with my accomplishments. But this recent, sudden twist of fate took me by surprise. I was caught unaware. Defenseless. Even worse, helpless. It happened when I was praying for even bigger breakthroughs. It happened when I foolishly laid down all my cards on the table, and trusted too much for the other player to play a fair game.
This happened when God interrupted my plans.
Two months was enough for me to realize that my life must now yield towards a new direction. In a span of two months, I did all I can in my power to change the course of events…to no avail.
I utilized all my knowledge and expertise, sought help from my network of contacts, spent all my time and resources to work with my plans A, B, and C…but still nothing seemed to work out right. I failed to achieve my preferred results.
Then it dawned on me that all along I was trying to maneuver towards the path that may not be the best for me: maybe not for now, maybe never. I figured this time around, I am no longer in control…God is.
While my emotions wreaks havoc resisting this un-welcomed change, my chaotic state of mind still gave me a perspective of a child trying to set free from the grip of a parent’s hand who is just preventing me from experiencing the dangers of what’s ahead, from taking risks that may completely destroy me.
And so I gave up on pursuing other goals, and I give in to following His plans instead. Now and then I still feel uneasy and unhappy with being where I am, but trusting that my Heavenly Father will not lead me to destruction gives me enough comfort, and hope for the future, too.
I don’t always have to understand His will and ways. Things does not always have to make perfect sense. Pain and uncertainties add to the beauty of life anyhow. I can appreciate the good things in my life because they’re overtly juxtaposed with the bad things.
So today, I move on. I let go and let God. And when I cannot see His hand, I will just trust His heart.